I'm lost and stupid without you.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
