nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My room smells like vodka and shame
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
