Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
