I just threw up on my dentist
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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