I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
