last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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