At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
