Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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