Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize