You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
