It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
