The maid of honor just puked.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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