As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
