I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
