The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
