so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
