FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
