im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
