no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
3 2 1 whiskey
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
