I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
