Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
only if we run a train.
done.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
