Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
