how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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