you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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