I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
