Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
