Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
