Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
