apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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