oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Found your dick twin last night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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