There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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