You smell like a Billy Joel song
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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