if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The feeling are messing with the penis
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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