Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
