Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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