I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
