i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
