yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
