so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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