Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
