I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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