You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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