Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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