sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
