we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
