she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
