these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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