I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
