I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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