actually, I'm a sock model
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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