You're my little dorito
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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