i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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