YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
