the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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