I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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