Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
