if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
