I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
