girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
