i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize