things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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