i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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