just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
