So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
