boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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