that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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