Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
