i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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