Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
