my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
