Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
