my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
