Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize