you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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