Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
