Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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