Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
