everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
