would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
