Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
