remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
