I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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