The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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