I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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