Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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