Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
