Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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