i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wish there were birth control emojis
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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