it wasn't lemon gatorade
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
