i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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