Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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