I was born with a shot glass in my hand
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
