I'm jealous of your bromance
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you would pick up someone in the library
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
