I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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