It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
